What is your Attachment?

Your Body

Attachment is your feeling that binds you to someone or something. Attachment in relationship definitely helps you form an emotional connection. Attachment, actually speaking, is your emotional bond which can influence your cognitive development. The theory and practice of attachment play a key role in terms of your spiritual development. For a 3rd grader, attachment is more about a biological, territorial or blood related process. True love never holds any attachment as it's the alignment of your soul's vibration with someone else's. And you don't feel any difference as you feel that the other person is simply your extension and you both work as a singular conscious unit with no separation psychologically attached in between. Actually speaking, attachment begins from the feelings of detachment and the excessive focus on attachment leads you to nothing other than detachment. The practice of attachment can be broadly divided into two categories, namely secure and insecure attachment. 

A) The secure attachment: When you have secure attachment, the concept of attachment is never labelled into your consciousness and as a result, you don't give more importance or focus on the practice of attachment. It's the identification that someone is more related to you in such a way that you feel safe or stable in their presence. When you foster secure attachment, you literally don't face any relationship issues. This happens because you are ready to accept your own mistakes or failings and seek support from the other person wherever needed. Your secure attachment with your partner or someone else makes you more comfortable especially when you express your emotions, needs and hopes. And you don't feel overly anxious when you and the person you are attached to, are apart. You are mutually reliable on emotional support. As you have enough emotional balance, you seek healthy ways to manage conflicts in terms of your relationship and you are resilient enough to bounce back especially when you face some relationship issues. 

B) The insecure attachment: Insecure attachment is, actually speaking, your trouble in terms of making emotional connections with others. The insecure attachment is the reason behind many of your problems as the Buddha opined. When you feel overly attached to someone or something, you are more likely to lose it as you literally cast out the signature of worry. Severe attachment can make men and women more possessive, selfish, controlling and abusive. With severe attachment you can easily be more jealous of your partner or whoever you severely attached to. Insecure attachment actually converts love into hate and makes you think that someone or something is your own private property where you hold the right to abuse them. Insecure attachment makes you a sufferer. 

C) Why you have insecure attachment: It's actually your psychological issue and can be solved with the expansion of consciousness. Those who suffer from insecure attachment can easily be violent, aggressive or unpredictable towards their loved ones. Many of the people who suffer from insecure attachment are the victims of some sort of childhood abuse and their behavior can be rooted in the lack of consistent love, they had in their childhood. Insecure attachment in a person can also be triggered by the reasons like inexperienced parenting, lack of social support, isolation, inconsistent emotional communication during infancy, depression, hormonal issues etc. 

D) How insecure attachment can lead you to detachment: The outcome of secure attachment is intimacy, but the outcome of insecure attachment is detachment itself. When you have interdependence out of secure attachment, what you have from insecure attachment is your emotional dependence on your loved one, where you are ready to offer unlimited amount of comfort or time without expecting anything in return, in such a way that it makes your loved one suffocated with your abnormal behavior. Moving on, you tend to ruin your loved one's personal freedom and life. The more you are attached, the more you become fearful of being lost. You are ready to self sacrifice to meet all the needs of your loved one. This self sacrificing tendency from your part can easily be replaced by your obsessive preoccupation with your partner's needs and feelings. You keep disturbing your partner and the partner tends to resist it. This is how the love involved in the relationship gets converted into hate. With the resistance from the partner's side, you tend to be doubtful about the every single move the other person makes. You tend to stalk your partner. You reaffirm mentally that your partner doesn't love you as the way you want and stay more doubtful and worried about being lost. The more you worry, the more what you are worried about happens. This is how the law of vibration works. Sooner than later, you tend to be violent and aggressive in such a way that you question every movement the other person makes and try to infringe the personal liberties. Now you develop a weird sense that your partner is your own private property and you try to manipulate the partner's life in such a way that the physical force or violence is involved. This is when your partner really starts to hate you and move away from your relationship. As this issue cannot be verbally solved, it sooner than later results in the closure of the relationship. 

E) How to overcome insecure attachment: You can overcome the insecure attachment all by yourself. It's something you have to do together with your partner. The problem can be overcome through a step by step process. Understand the fact that true love never holds any boundaries and you can't deny the personal freedom of your loved one. Practice emotion regulation through meditation. If your partner clearly feels that you are 100% committed to the relationship, there's no room for any doubts in it. Being possessive is never true love. Love is the knowledge and practice that the vibratory frequency of your soul is in total alignment with your partner's. As a result, there's no any disagreement of any sort. Your partner mirrors your tastes in life and vice versa. If some problems pop up, both of you know how to solve it fast. Your physical matter reality is the result of the layout of your level of consciousness which could be different from one person to another. Practice mind control and patience. Solve the things through open discussion. Be a listener. It's also good to seek external help from a therapist if you can't handle it. Understand the fact that partnership is mutual adjustment. You don't have to mind certain things that you don't like in your partner. Never feel over attached to anything in your life. Here, nothing lasts longer. Always act on your highest excitement and never chase anything and such a life makes everything chase you back, be it your partner or cash. See your partner as your own extension and respect their personal freedom. Love doesn't have anything to do with personal freedom. Love becomes love only when the personal freedom of the individuals involved, is kept intact. The respect you show towards your partner is what cements your love. When you support your partner from all angles, that's what you get back as well. And such a relationship holds no room for doubts of any sort...